i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
she pinky promised me she was 18
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
