I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
why is half of my head shaved?
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