your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
