Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
