Three words: puerto rican gang bang
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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