hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
