oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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