She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
not ubering you a puppy
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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