She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
