I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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