i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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