I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
