Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize