are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
