the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
