Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
