I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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