someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
