Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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