Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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