I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
