She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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