; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
