just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
