I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
