i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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