first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
