your parents love me but you hate me
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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