This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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