Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
