Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
