Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize