for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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