forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He passed out mid-signature
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
