you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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