textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Randomize
