i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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