Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
