yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
this boner is exhausting
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
