WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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