walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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