the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
