My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
