Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize