We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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