Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
