Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
