Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
