I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
