I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
