and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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