I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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