so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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