No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
