Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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