I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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