I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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