after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Randomize
