Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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