Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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