you traded sex for a burrito?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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