shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Will exercising make me less horny?
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