what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
