I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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