Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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