Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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