What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
