i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My vagina is officially offended.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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