dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
