just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
