woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think my moral compass just broke
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize