I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
