i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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