I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
