We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
