is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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