don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
