Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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