No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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