he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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