I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
