I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
