do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
