Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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