every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
