yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
