you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
how does that bad decision feel?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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